Prepair Disapear Absorb Transform
hollow light painless sight Im so tired
I wanna leave

Wake Me Love…
Yes, I got a pain…
It’s heart pollution,
and it’s eating me from the inside…
It’s a sickness,a illness and insanity,
a refugee from the reality of clarity
I can’t, and nor won't I see...
All the dirty facts,
in every move he make
I easily turn them into magic acts
that's devouring me like a hungry wave
And so I continue to believe
In a dream of a dying breath
A sleep of which I cant awake
And when I look at me…
I hate my self .....For being….
I hate my self......For believing….
Every word he says
It’s memorized
inside my childish heart
For a child’s love is pure
And blinded down
by its own beliefs of truth
Yes, I got a pain
Like a disappointed child
Like a heart thrown inside out
My love is a open wound,
Like a nebula covering the ground
Like a misty blurred morning
Without a sight into my soul
Ohhh, when I look at me,
.....how I hate my self…
for believing............. in my dreams
ohhh, how I hate my self,
for being..............
such a child in love

:Angel ene

Clown
How does it feel
to do what you do?
Wandering around
in a costume that stinks
High above the clouds
trying to get by
You don’t make me smile
Even when you pass me by
You can’t make me smile
It’s plain and simple
what you have to do
to get by

How does it feel
to do what you do?
Wandering around
In a complete misery
You don’t make me smile
Even when you pass me by
You can’t make me smile
It’s plain and simple
what you have to do
to get by

:AMPOP

My Life Underwater

Now that your water fills my lungs
I dream for only one dreaming
as my fingers search
for a crack in the eyes
Then a unexpected moment
as my eyelids slowly part
I realize I'm not even a fish

Then I could be happy, as you told me before
if its painful
just swallow some more

My lips are parted
as I sink from your weight
through your coma
Can you tell I'm afraid?

With my hands before my eyes
through the cracks between my fingers
I see the creatures going by
and I grain
and I wonder to my self
what goes on there on the bottom

And I dream as you scream in my ear
I could be happy, as you told me before
if its painful
just swallow some more

My lips are parted
as I sink from your weight
through your coma
can you tell I'm afraid?

I could be happy, as you told me before
If its painful
just swallow some more

My lips are parted
as I sink from your weight
through your coma
Can you tell WHY I'm afraid???

I'm Environmentally effected from heart pollution...
:Angel ene

Breathing With LOw VEnt Air Faults

I know it sounds untrue,
that...
I would have died for you....
But I did'nt really have to....
You killed me quietly
with your lack of words...

It's amazing how I manage to cry without a sound..?
Is it because you drained my soul into the ground?
Love Love Love
It's how sadness feels
when it's behind my hidden veils
It's amazing how I manage to cry without a sound..?
Is it because you drained my heart into the ground?

I wish I could hear
your detuned soul,
when your mind
turns into a noisy song
and your heart is longing
for my foolish chords...

It's amazing how silent you slammed the door...?
Is it because I heard you long before...?
Love Love Love
It's just these coloured words
coming from my crazy world
It's amazing how silent you slammed the door...?
Is it because I could'nt hear you long before...?

Love Love Love
It's how my heart sounds
Breathing with low vent air faults

:Angel ene

I'm a Fool in a game played by an Idiot...

dünyai tozpembe göriyorum...
I know I have a tendense to wiev the the world through rose coloured glasses,
and to me everything looks brighter and feels safer...
I took them of and tried to see everything in a clear realistic sight.........
but it all turned into a nebulah...
and I lost it..... it felt like walking inside a vakuum...
and it still seems and feels a bit tenefibric around me....
What have I done.... in here out here inside my self....??? I dont know!!!
I stumbled around apprehending for anything soothing in my mind,
illusions of nothing and fading dreams from the past....
chewing on old memories and a lost childhood...
and in the end I was just falling....
Got in progress one painting but lost it on the way
and sat in motion another idea who brought me into tears....
all day all night all over my self....
forgot eating again...
The insane energy from starving my self
feeling the thoughts in my mind spinning on a high level took me in....
and in the end the physical pain came with the psychial suffering....
I lost 6 kg and woke up
feeling like God had hit me in the back of my neck with a baseball bat,
my arms was aching and I could'nt move them
and it creaked and squeaked when I tryed to move my head....
I had to see a Doc...
and I got tendonitis inflammation in my neck and muscles and lack of nutrition.......
that's it and it's slowly getting better......
Now I just got to find my rose coloured glasses
and search for happiness............
:Angel ene

I want the Fishermans Friend...
The one with long skinny legs in rubber boots...
I want the fishermans Friend...
The one with beard as long as a road...
I wanna tell him stories under the stars
about magic wonders inside my heart..
I wanna kiss his dirty face
and show him moisty desire on the muddy ground...
I want the Fishermans friend...
I wanna love out his brain...

:Angel ene

snow came early....
You're a red carusel of pain
Spinning my soul around
You devite heaven from ground
and I'm hanging in between...
So slow
So silent
memories merged into frozen dreams...
You're a blue carusel of words
Spinning my mind around
You devite heaven from ground
and I'm hanging in between
So slow
So silent
colours came out of your mouth
You're a purple carusel of love
spinning my heart around
You devite heaven from ground
and I'm hanging in between
So slow
So silent
words without a life.......line..
You're a constant carusel of invasion
Spinning my life around
You devite heaven from ground
and I'm hanging in between
So slow
So silent
I lost the string

:Angel ene

I never answer my phone.....

Everone knows that....

Everyone "WHO KNOWS ME" knows that:
I NEVER ANSWER MY PHONE!!!

I guess you never knew me...!!!

And If you dont know me....
There's no reason for calling me...

Because.....
I NEVER ANSWER MY PHONE...
Because I know it's you...
and I wont know you....

:Angel ene

Look who's here...
My crazy Cat!
MOVIE

Blue eye'd GoD!!!
This morning...
when I was opening up my eyes,
I looked straight into GoD's face.....
He sat on the floor infront of me,
with a grin on his face...
I asked him:
"what on EARTH are you smiling at"
He answered:
"You..."
I punched him....
right in the middle of his face...
This morning....
GoD just left me...

:Angelene

I got spyware in my Brain and a Virus in my Heart....
I keep spamming my Life and my Soul feels like trash...
My Spirit is haunted and my Love is a Ghost...........
:Angelene

Söyle yar beni unuttun mu?
Kopardın mı yüreğinden
Sildin mi anıları
Gömdün mü birer birer

I'm breathing water...
Sü soluniyorum....
Im sitting at my work 03.00 pulling out my hair because of a language....
I've always been facinated by words and different languages, and also been investigating
some more then others, like English Germain & French in primary school, and then
Norwegian and Swedish but they're so close to my first language and later Finish, Portuguese
and Spanish even Yiddish and Hebrew I've been stumbling over.
Now its this one, and I've never been so consist and determined to learn a language the right
way before and with "right way" I mean to go into the deep of the grammar, I was never good
at that in school, I'm a phonic person and learn most easyest from listening, but now I'm
sitting here in the middle of the night memorizing arghhh grammar and to understand it, but
first I have to go all the way back from English to my own language and start all over,
because for me to understand the english grammar I need to go and memorize my own first....
and then go from there to english and further on to destination language....
wich is....Turkish.........
TURKISH.....
They're speaking freaking backwards, and they make circumlocutions in my head.....
That should'nt cause so many problems, since I'm always sitting and scribbling circumlocutions,
and tend to read magazines and news from back to front, also I've practised writing the wrong
way around from right to left with the letters in reverse,
And I have since child school droven many teachers into confusing because of my Chinise way
of writing from up to down, vertical or perpendicular... So it should be a piece of cake and it's very
interesting and very difficult, I think it has become like a magic language to me... Every time I
dive in to find a conection and I get a clue, I yell "Yesss...Eurekaaa I understand" It suddenly
tricks me again and I nearly feel like drowning and are close to give up, but instead I just follow
thrugh and go even deeper again....
Learning this language feels swimmingly.....and to me... Turkish always been sounding like
they're making bubbles under wather when they're speaking.... They're breathing wather...
:Angelene

Filiye nazaran kedim daha büyük.... euahahaaaahahaaa....

MOVIES:
How I felt... How I feel... For you...

Cöl... Donmüş bir gözyaşı gibi...

:Emilie Simon
Flowers
Desert

The Movie
This is my washing machine, It's very noisyyy....

Holy Dayz....

Atleast i have something really sweet....

A small thing....

Sometimes I cry for lost sheeps...
Like now...

You where one of them....

Sometimes I cry for everything....
Like now....










You where always everything....

Sometimes i cry for Nothing...
Like now!!!













You where never Nothing....

CHAOuSe

I'm out of order
Got the flu in the beginning of june
And in this feverhaze
I suddenly realize
That I never really understood
That you actually loved me....
I'm so sorry
I could'nt see you.......

Black & White
deep dark eyes...
Your words where purple
upon my red heart
Your hands where always
right under my skin..
Just...
Black & White
deep dark eyes...
If........
Just.....
................
...
.........................................Just...

Today I miss my brother so much!!! :'(

OlmaZAnsızın hayatıma giriyorsun
Varlığınla aklımı çeliyorsun
Aşkınla beni şımartıyorsun
Mucizeler yaratıp kahramanım oluyorsun

Zamanla aşka alışıyorsun
Daha az gülüp daha çok susuyorsun
Değiştin sen hala görmüyorsun
Mucizeler nerede kahramanım yorgun musun?

Olmaz bir tanem
Olmaz sevdiğim
Olmaz inan bana
olmaz Aşk böyle olmaz

Hazırdım ben de seni bekliyordum
Nerede bu geç kalmasa diyordum
Ve bir gün karşımda duruyordun
Bilmeden mucizenin ta kendisi oluyordun

Anladım ben herşeyi yoruyorum
Belki de hep senden bekliyorum
Değişmedim sadece susuyorum
Mucizeler yaratan kahramanı özlüyorum.

My Silence... My World....

Your hair and your eyes
I saw them in the night
Your face, your disguise
I felt it in the night
Your cool clammy skin
It could be right beside me
I saw you swimmin' over here
You looked so fragile
And don't you know her eyes were red?
Your hair and your skin
I know my desire
I felt akin
To my desire
Your eyes and your face
I dreamed them in the night
Your hair and your skin
I saw them swimmin' over here
And don't you know you're life itself?
:Mazzy Star

This is what I ate today...
This is what I read today....

I know I got eating problems...
but now I got reading problems too...

Ve ben seni cooooook özlediiiim..... fazlaaaaaaaa...

ehhhheeeeeeehehehe.......
benim turkishim be cok kötü hareketsiz...
English daha iyi... :/

Denizim
Okyanusim
Yarsalyk
Hepinez
Sonsuza Kadar....

I paint the dust of my broken dreams into a vague memory of forgotten tears...

:Angel ene

I dont See Why I don't Talk....
About what I don't Hear.......

Bir gun gri olur umarým...

;)

Saçmalamaelek....

Depresyondayım

Bugün evden çıkmadım
Telefona bakmadım
Çok yedim çok ağladım
Arandım bir sigara
Daha saçlarımı taradım
Dudağımı boyadım
Giydim giydim çıkardım
Beğenmedim güzel olmadım,
Depresyondayım,
Unutuldum,
Aldatıldım sevgilimden ayrıldım,
Çok yalnızım kimseye kızamadım
Kimseye küsemedim
Sonunda kendime küstüm
Sonunda hayata
Düşündüm banka soymayı
Uluorta soyunmayı
Hayatımdaki herkesi vurmayı
Affedin,
Depresyondayım depresyondayım,
Unutuldum
Aldatıldım sevgilimden ayrıldım
Çok yalnızım

:Göksel/Depresyondayım

Why is your eyes so mellow dark?
If you want....
I'll be the bright sea of your sight?
Still i am............
................................................. laying open wide
your silence........
................................................. floads in my veines
It's ok...
it's ok.... you see...
I am soon to be gone
into nothing is everything
and our everything are
what we always never got
It's ok.....
its ok.... you see...
Because I remember, your eyes wieving my soul,
who became hidden behind, you'r warm and shivering hands,
who held my heart once, into your healing living breath,
who made me hear, the kisses from your heart
Its ok....
its ok... you see
There's still my emptyness
................................................. so huge
................................................. so full
of everything we not yet discovered
So you see...
Its all ok... its all ok...
...................................You see..
I'm here
You'r here
We are soon There..........
:Angel ene

I found the way to my soul
I found the peace in my mind
I found the love in my heart
I found the place of my future
I AM

I dont sleep
I dont eat
I dont talk
I dont live
My brain is going on a high level
It feels like theres a whole world
going on inside me
I cant seem to put anything in order
It goes to fast
It goes soooo fast
Im so tired
But I have no peace
My dreams has changed
into a waken highspeed reality
I feel hunger
But its so heavy to swallow
My heart is blocking my throut
My brain is inside my stomach
So full of shit
I wanna through up

:Angel ene

Depression

I'm lost....
into one of those rooms in my head
where im searching....
for those Magical Words,
To break through.....
this noise of silence inside my heart
all my words are nothing worth
They came out backwards,
and you never understood
when i said heart....
you thought hurt....
Come in here...
I want you
To find me
Let me write golden letters all over your skin
like glowing lines on the dark of your shadow
The one that disapeared
into the noise of your silence...
Please...................................................
..................whisper..............to me....
...........................................
......Those Magic Words..........

:Angel ene

Melek Sarký söylemek....... cok ve seevdim......... ..... ........




güzeeelllllll..................

Gri At Istioyrum.... :)

Istioyrum Atgri...... :/

This morning someone just melted my heart again...

It's where I come from....
These women of strenght....
These women of thoughts....
These women with hidden storyes in their hearts...

I know I dont know the Facts
Im sitting here in my world
drinking cava...
Thought i should celebrate
"I dont know what"
The fact that i'll never be able to love
The fact that i always screw up my life
The fact that i'll have a whole book soon
The fact that i continuesly argue with my self
The fact i do think im sometimes realy brilliant
and next second a total fool
The fact i believe in my dreams
The fact that im the only one who does
The fact that i still love the Ocean
Even i'm so scared of drowning
The fact he'll never know how much
The fact that i never hate any one
The fact i got a furious temper
The fact im a twisted soul
with too many issues
The fact that i survived
what ever i've been through
The fact i tell stupid stories
and small lies
to the ones i realy love
just to scare them away
so i can agree to my self
that its true im too crazy to love
The fact that im always scared
but completely fearless
The fact that im too much alone
but never lonely
The fact that everyone is angry at me
for not answering my phone
The fact that people wants to see me
but i dont have place in my world
The fact i got 4 personalityes
and a diagnose
called biopolar personality disorder
The fact that i manage to live
The fact im never scared of dying
The fact that im looking forward to be old
even it takes so long for me
The fact that im feeling like 6 years old
and my thoughts are a million years ahead
The fact i dont know what to do
most of the time
The fact i never stop believing in eternal love
The fact i lost my heart and still are breathing
The fact that im still positive
I'm sitting here in my universe
drinking cava....
Thought i should celebrate
that: "i know what i dont know"
:Angel ene

Ohhh Panda mine...
I'm certain
That my words where all
intangible
where yours were always
conceivable

Ohhh Panda mine...
I'm certain
That my heart where all
a trial of patience
Where yours were always
the patience of Job

Ohhh Panda mine....
I'm certain
That my feelings where all
a misty nebulah
Where yours were always
a lucid serenity

Ohhh Panda mine....
I'm certain
That my love where all
and still are everything
While yours are silent
and vanished


:Angel ene

I'm sure it's no coincidence that the word "LIVE" is "EVIL" backwards.....

At night I see the eyes of the dead people....
I see no pain... only blue silence
and the peace from the soul that has left...
Theres nothing to fear...

I wanna hold you....
To tell you...
That I love You..........
........To tell you...
.......... there's nothing to fear.....
............holding you into my heart........
...to tell you.........You are never gonna die....
Because I love You.....There's nothing to fear....
.............I love You...

:Angel ene

I'm in love with a noise that is completely silent....

Im a love song with a desirable strofe that hits the back of u'r neck...

:Angel ene

Im a happy story with a tragic end....
:Angel ene

There's a man in my bedroom
He watches me from the window,
and his face is calm
the moon circles around it
When I sleep
my walls are moving
and my dreams are falling from the roof
Theres a Moon in my room

I always tell it...
That I could never love...

The man in my bedroom
He's made of stone & has no heart....
He watches me falling out my sleep
and lightens up my pale face
When I hit the surface
my heart is beating
and my dreams are soaring
It's the Man in my dreams
he wants me to wake up
he wants me to loose my heart

I always tell him....
I always tell him...
:Angel ene

What's wroooonggg with meeeeee.................????
I'm a Baking Machine....

What's wrong with meeee.........???