dünyai tozpembe göriyorum...
I know I have a tendense to wiev the the world through rose coloured glasses,
and to me everything looks brighter and feels safer...
I took them of and tried to see everything in a clear realistic sight.........
but it all turned into a nebulah...
and I lost it..... it felt like walking inside a vakuum...
and it still seems and feels a bit tenefibric around me....
What have I done.... in here out here inside my self....??? I dont know!!!
I stumbled around apprehending for anything soothing in my mind,
illusions of nothing and fading dreams from the past....
chewing on old memories and a lost childhood...
and in the end I was just falling....
Got in progress one painting but lost it on the way
and sat in motion another idea who brought me into tears....
all day all night all over my self....
forgot eating again...
The insane energy from starving my self
feeling the thoughts in my mind spinning on a high level took me in....
and in the end the physical pain came with the psychial suffering....
I lost 6 kg and woke up
feeling like God had hit me in the back of my neck with a baseball bat,
my arms was aching and I could'nt move them
and it creaked and squeaked when I tryed to move my head....
I had to see a Doc...
and I got tendonitis inflammation in my neck and muscles and lack of nutrition.......
that's it and it's slowly getting better......
Now I just got to find my rose coloured glasses
and search for happiness............
:Angel ene